Lately, I've been feeling so alone... I've been feeling so left out... but I even won't admit it.. that's pride what keeps me lying to myself may be.. Pride whatsoever.. I'm feeling so invisible.. like there's a thick barriers between me and society blocking my own existence.. it's always there.. even when I'm risking myself getting out of my comfort zone, it always keeps me backing off right off the bat.. That sucks really..
I describe myself like an open book... My face tells everything whether I feel uneasy, mad, happy, guilty, or sad.. I feel most comfortable when I'm by myself alone I admit it.. I am not a person who couldn't spend a night without companies... that's why when someone steps into the inner of my comfort zone and I'm feeling threatened, my face tells everything... like EVERYTHING I mean it literally.. I'm shutting down and i don't talk.. that's why people get difficulties and choose not to hang out with me... Because may the problem is myself... I'm kinda a person that radiating an unwelcome aura if that even exists...
I spent all my holiday time playing video games..WHY.. my mother asked me all the time.. It wastes time I know it already.. I have my own reason.. That's when I'm feeling most secure I think.. I play the hero.. Everybody likes the hero.. The hero can lead, talk, bring everything united and after all, they are cool whatsoever.. That's what I want to be but that's clearly impossible I know.. To be sure, If I am given a choice whether to live my live or to live as a video game character, I will choose the latter... Hahaha silly me talking such nonsense.. But that's what I'm feeling right now.. Deep down I am human too... Every human needs time to communicate w/ others.. I couldn't deny it.. I'm trying.
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